i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
