a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
