every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
