He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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