I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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