i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
even my farts smell like vagina
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
