Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
