You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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