my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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