I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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