My cat gives me a boner
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
