i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
