I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Two words: blizzard sex
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
