I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
