11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it ðŸ˜
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
