Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
