I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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