you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
me + whiskey = a bad person
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
