I can feel you judging me through the phone.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
