I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
