My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.