why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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