I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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