i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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