lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
