I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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