For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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