Don't make out with my wife yet
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
