Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
