I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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