Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
