so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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