so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
