i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
