How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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