I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
