thus making me awesome and them whores
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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