just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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