Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
