the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
