who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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