My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just found a bag of teeth...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
