If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
only you would photoshop your dick
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
