as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
