I should be sponsored by Trojan
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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