I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
