I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
