I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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