We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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