So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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