thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
