i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
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I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help