Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
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Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
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I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood