Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

Someone's got a whale tail

(1-314): View more from Missouri

A thong is hangin out?

(314): View more from Missouri

No, a fatty following them

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(612): View more from Minnesota

we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.

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(301): View more from Maryland

I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist

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21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Read it at the TFLN blog
(+82): View more from South Korea

Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.

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(623): View more from Arizona

He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...

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(812): View more from Indiana

I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's

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(+38): View more from

I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood

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