All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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