It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
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I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
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I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.