apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
