what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
