if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
