hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize