hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
