Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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