you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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