oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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