she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
