why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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