I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
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