my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
