I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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