im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
