He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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