Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
