very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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