You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
