i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
