Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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