I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
