I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
