It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I miss vodka workout Fridays
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
