This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
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Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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