Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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