My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
